Feb. 3, 2014
An open letter to the ‘nice guy’ who tried to hit me because I stopped him from taking home a drunk girl who was begging him to leave her alone (or: why you should never ask a poet if she’s really an ugly cocksucker or if that’s just her day job):
The thing is, everyone assumes that by taking away our rights, you make us weak.
In reality, just the opposite occurs. We are used to the sling of insults - there is nothing you can say that hasn’t already been said to me. We are used constantly being on the outlook for our aggressor - so yes, I can spot an asshole from across the room and it’s because I often have to.
The thing is: you are making our skins thicker and our spines stronger than anyone who doesn’t have to put up with the shit that we do. We are the same generation that can wear pretty dresses and cut up your corpse in the same moment: because trust me, we know how to get blood out of our clothing.
You think women are little helpless flowers but I know at least a quarter of my lady friends with self-defense classes under their belts, at least half who can fight their way out of a chokehold with nothing but their carkeys like daggers in their fists, at least three-fourths who are so used to any kind of slur you can throw at them that they have four witty comebacks just resting on their backburners, and all of them - all of them - are baptized in the fire of another person’s violation, whether verbal or otherwise. You are not making the submissive housewives or the shy secretaries of your wet dreams. You have made dragons.
You have made mothers with sharp teeth who can balance eight different tasks and still remember your favorite dinner. You have made CEOs who do better work because they’re used to being told they’re sub-par. You are making artists and poets and musicians who’ve seen the dark in the world. You are making social justice warriors - I use this not as a defamation but as a banner, as the way they brand themselves because it is a battle, isn’t it, and nobody’s come out without their share of scars - you are making a generation of caustically beautiful ladies who have seen more shit by six a.m. than you have all your life and they still walk better in heels than you do in your boat shoes.
We do not invite your ‘nice guy’ into our beds, you’re right, because the nice guys of our lives have been our fathers asking us if we ‘are really going out in that,’ have been our best friend telling us that his girlfriend should give up sex because he’s paid for dinner, have been our uncles and brothers and the great gentlemen who hang out of their cars and laugh when the thirteen-year-old they just honked at jumps and looks terrified (but should totally accept the compliment as if it was a gift instead of the moment she recognizes she’s never going to be safe) -
you wanna know why we don’t let nice men into our beds? Because we rarely find them.
They’re out there, I know it, but they’re not the ones wetting themselves when a woman asks ‘why do you think that?’ instead of sitting back and letting him laugh with his buddies about femi-nazis. They’re out there and they’re probably as pissed as we are that at least one third of their population has openly admitted there are times when they think it’s okay to force their significant other to have sex: they’re out there, and the sad thing is, if you’re a male, you’re statistically not one of them. As far as we know, you don’t exist. You are a white knight only you believe in.
Here’s the thing about forcing people down: eventually they’re going to get strong enough to push right on back, and when you’ve spent the whole time sitting on your ass sinking your teeth into your healthy wage gap, you’re not going to be ready for it.
You’ve hurt us, over and over. When the time comes for us to hurt back, do you know how many of us are going to ask ‘Where was the mercy when I was begging like he is now? Where was that mercy when I got pregnant? Where was that mercy when I was called selfish for being a single parent? Where was that mercy when he forced himself on me? Where was that mercy, in anything?’
The thing about oppression is that it can only last for so long. You are not making yourself dominant, you’re making yourself weak. I’ve seen men crumble because they feel uncomfortable when they get hit on by other men as if the stench of their own mistakes is strangling them. I’ve seen them get impassioned because a teacher preferred females and I’ve laughed because I had eight other classes where it was reversed and in all of those eight, it went uncontested. I have legitimately punched a boy who said that a show for girls was shameful because it tries to teach lessons instead of catering to his desire for sex - as if just by liking something, he owns it. I’ve seen boys growl about women’s history month and had to wonder if they’ve ever held a textbook where the only names of girls are tiny footnotes. I’ve seen fathers ask why the curriculum I use for my six-year-olds is carefully gender neutral, why I let his son play at cooking or his daughter be a doctor.
I have never heard a mother complain except to beg me to get her little girl to talk more, to do more, to succeed - do you see? Do you see?
Here’s the thing about stepping on us: we have learned to stop licking your boots
and now we want to ruin you.
— trust me, I know
actual nice guys and they are nothing like your type.
p.s your fly was down the whole time. ///
r.i.d (via tamcest
(Source: inkskinned, via sealpress)
Dec. 14, 2013
"Nice Guy" logic.
What the fuck?! Someone light this fucker on fire, please.
this kind of manipulative bullshit enrages me
he is a sexist fuck, and they called him on it, and he made THE RECEIVER OF UNWANTED SEXIST BULLSHIT the person in the wrong
manipulative and disgusting
fall in a pit of needles sir
What the fucking fuck is this bullshit? Dudebro threatens to rape a woman, and when called out for doing so goes all “Aha! You fell right into my trap!”? Fucking hell.
Aug. 27, 2013
I’m looking at you
In the “Cool story babe, now make me a sandwich” t-shirt
The commonly uses
“I raped you faggot”
Your straight friends
The white kid who greets his buddies with the n-word
Who’s OkCupid dating profile describes him as a “nice guy”
He’s just sick of getting friend-zoned
Because being just friends with a woman
Is so terrible
Nevermind the fact that he answers yes to the following:
Are women obligated to shave their legs?
Are racist jokes funny?
When a woman is raped, is it sometimes her fault?
I’m looking at you
guy in every women’s studies class ever
who derails dialogue
About a third of the world’s population of women
Who will be raped
In their life times
“the wage gap isn’t real”
the guy who starts “PimpWalk” in response
a demonstration aimed at ending victim blaming
of rape victims
the guy with the “no fat chicks” bumpersticker on his F150
whos confused why
he cant get pussy
to the guy who calls anal rape
to the one who uses “feminazi”
as a frequent part
of his vernacular
to every guy who has ever thought that a facebook status
about domestic violence
was a good opportunity to practice playing the
to every guy
who has ever dismissed feminism
because it didn’t involve him
to every man who has ever raped a woman
to every man who has ever beaten one
to every guy
who thinks he’s not like those ones
its just a joke
to every guy who is confused why feminists hate him
to every guy
you’re part of a problem
that won’t stop choking us
but tells us
to just breathe
Aug. 12, 2013
Isn’t it humbling to write hundreds and hundreds of words about sexism and gender and entitlement and then remember that “Flight of the Conchords” nailed the whole displacement-of-responsibility and nice-guy rage things in, like, four sentences?
Jul. 16, 2013
television show idea:
men who relentlessly pursue people with inappropriate messages on ok cupid are forced to read everything they’ve said in front of a live studio audience.
Jul. 14, 2013
Do we really have to take this?
A friend of mine was moving from her apartment. She asked me to look after some of her things. I agreed and not too long after she asked if her daughter Frances can come pick it up. I agreed and she came over with her boyfriend, who was also the father of her baby. I helped them carry the stuff down to the car, and during the whole visit exchanged possibly 10 words.
Next day I received these texts. I had to created a fiancee I didn’t really have in order for him to stop.
I never told my friend what her daughter’s boyfriend did. Now they are expecting a second child, so as you all see, there was no break up.
So Do we women really have to take this kind of attitude?
Do we have to invent things and people in order to be left alone.
I don’t want to have my titties banged.
I am not an easy lay.
I don’t deserve this.
Why do I go from being called “cute” “smart” and “pretty” in the beginning of the conversation, to “fatty” “bitch” and “ugly” in the end?
Jun. 25, 2013
It’s not about rape, but I feel the need to post it anyway.
While it’s not about rape per se, it’s about male entitlement and the viewing of women as rewards/objects to be won, which plays a huge role in rape culture.
Jun. 22, 2013
adj. used colloquially to refer to MRAs who get SO RILED UP about misandry.
Ex: “You legitimately think women not getting drafted is misandrist? That’s fedorable.”
(Source: bardy-has-wanderlust, via bustedafternoon)
Jun. 15, 2013
Why Do Men Keep Putting Me in the Girlfriend-Zone?
You know how it is, right, ladies? You know a guy for a while. You hang out with him. You do fun things with him—play video games, watch movies, go hiking, go to concerts. You invite him to your parties. You listen to his problems. You do all this because you think he wants to be your friend.
But then, then comes the fateful moment where you find out that all this time, he’s only seen you as a potential girlfriend. And then if you turn him down, he may never speak to you again. This has happened to me time after time: I hit it off with a guy, and, for all that I’ve been burned in the past, I start to think that this one might actually care about me as a person. And then he asks me on a date.
I tell him how much I enjoy his company, how much I value his friendship. I tell him that I really want to be his friend and to continue hanging out with him and talking about our favorite books or exploring new restaurants or making fun of avant-garde theatre productions. But he rejects me. He doesn’t answer my calls or e-mails; if we’d been making plans to do something before this fateful incident, these plans mysteriously fail to materialize. (This is why I never did get around to seeing the Hunger Games movie. Not to name any names, but thanks a lot, Tom.) Later, when I run into him at social events, our conversations are awkward and lukewarm. This is because the moment we met, he put me in the girlfriend-zone, and now he can’t see me as friend material.
I must say that I find this really unfair. I mean, I’m a nice girl. I have a lot to offer as a friend, like not being a douchebag and stuff. But males just don’t want to be friends with nice girls like me. They can’t help it, I guess; it’s just how they’re wired, biologically. Evolution conditioned our male hominid ancestors to seek nice girls as mates and form friendship bonds only with the other dudes that they hunted mammoths with. It’s true—I know this because I studied hominids in my fifth-grade science class.
So what’s the answer? Should I take up mammoth-hunting in an attempt to appeal to the friendship centers of men’s primal lizardbrains? Should I keep making guy “friends” and then prevent them from making a move on me by subtly undermining their self-confidence? Should I just give up on those manipulative, game-playing, two-faced bastards once and for all? I don’t know. I mean, I’d really like to have a true friendship with a guy someday, but it’s so hard to trust and respect them when they never say what they mean—and you never know when you might be relegated to the girlfriend-zone.
Jun. 2, 2013
we live in a society so cold that giving a friend a simple hug is already implying some kind of a romantic relationship between you two its disgusting
May. 8, 2013
Supernatural Meme: Six Side Characters
4- Andy Gallagher
Yeah, except that he’s a rapist.
One of Supernatural’s larger fuck-ups was trying to make this guy sympathetic.
I don’t know if I agree, because not all rapists are mustache-twirling villains, you know? Some — many — are otherwise likable people with no concept of consent. That’s why they get away with rape, because nobody believes them capable of doing what they did. “Oh, that Andy, he couldn’t have really raped that girl. He’s too nice!”
Even though you and I were both pretty grossed out by Andy, on further reflection, I really think this episode wouldn’t have worked without Andy’s overwhelming charisma. The story depends on it to work.
What happens when a so-called “Nice Guy(TM)” gets superpowers? He doesn’t suddenly become an alpha male, all aggressive posturing and obvious exploitation. No, he becomes a viper in the grass: taking whatever objects he wants, compelling sex from women who can’t say no, tormenting those who can’t defend themselves just for the sheer humor of it, all while maintaining as unthreatening a demeanor as possible, simply out of habit.
I found this episode bone-chilling, and it was specifically because Andy Gallagher is so charismatic. He’s almost Nabokovian; you want to like him, you like him despite yourself. And it doesn’t hurt that in today’s patriarchal society (which perpetuates the myth of the Nice Guy, He Who Is Forever Friendzoned by those Evil Sluts And Their Mindgames) we’re conditioned to respond to men like Andy in a mostly favorable light. In that case, it’s probably only when you stop to think about it that you can see Andy’s actions for the exploitations they are.
Andy is the creepiest villain on this show by a mile, specifically because everyone in the universe thinks he’s so good. I love that. It’s fucking brilliant.
(Source: codependentbrothersarchive, via feministsupernatural)